Wednesday, January 20, 2010


20 minutes was the goal on the dreaded elliptical. Usually my 20 minute commitments quickly get downgrade justification to 5 or 7 minutes. That is a long duration of time on one of those things. Every step counted. Intense. Yes, I disappoint myself an awful lot in the gym. A trend is forming. Today was the first time a non-family member asked me if I was pregnant. It was a twisted assurance to me that its apparent; wow my self-conscious level soars when great with child. Four minutes go by. I think of what weighs my soul most heavily. I think if I keep taking steps, if I keep forcing my weight into the next stride a clarity will come. A direction to follow. Maybe I can build enough strength within to charge those who need this energy to thrive. "And I think its gonna be a long, long time. " And I am burning my fuse, I know I am not the woman they think. It's just me and Elton John one step at a time saving the world. The chin-up assist machine, what a machine for a girl never in her life able to do a chin-up. Presidential fitness tests, who needs them? Not I, I've got my own new found reasons to believe in the future. If I lift my weight I prove to myself I can lift another. That 20 minutes became 22 minutes. Little victories.

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